Hospice of Santa Barbara helps locals cope with grief ahead of Mother’s Day

SANTA BARBARA, Calif.— “Grief and sorrow is not pathological. It's just the cost of love,” said Bereavement Services Manager Michael Cruse.

Mental health experts say everyone processes grief differently, with some burying the feelings and others leaning in.
  
It’s been a little over a year since Suzanne Grimmesey lost her mom. It’s a process she’s still navigating.
 
“I’m going to be 56 next week. I've always been a daughter my whole life, and now I don't have any parents that are alive. So am I still a daughter? I guess I am, but it feels different,” said Grimmesey, who is the Santa Barbara County of Behavioral Wellness spokeswoman.

She says the grieving process is not linear, but she tries to focus on the happy memories.
 
“I’ll sometimes lie in bed at night and I will take myself on a tour of my house growing up. Selling it after Mom passed was very hard, and I can still remember every room where everything was,” said Grimmesey.
  
Hospice of Santa Barbara’s Bereavement Services Manager Michael Cruse encourages people to embrace the suffering, saying the most effective way to cope with grief is by addressing it head on.
  
“That first year is very much in emotional shock and numbness. And that's there to protect people because it's so big that it takes time to figure out how to be with it. And many of the clients I've worked with describe the second year as actually more difficult,” said Michael Cruse.

Grief, when left unaddressed, can turn into prolonged grief disorder, a preoccupation with the deceased for at least a year after the loss.
 
The American Psychiatric Association says this affects 7-10% of bereaved adults.
 
Hospice of Santa Barbara offers free grief counseling services in both English and Spanish.